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SpongeBob NRA Partnership Ends In Tragic Shooting

by Ed E. Druckman

(Provo--UT) "As Charlton Heston is my witness, I didn't think you could kill a cartoon character." That was the statement of disbelief uttered by NRA President, Kayne Robinson, when he was informed that SpongeBob SquarePants was shot and killed yesterday during a photo shoot for a series of new NRA ads in which he was to be the spokes sponge. "SpongBob Can't Save Our Children" was to be the ad slogan. "The point of SpongeBob, as well intentioned as he is, being impotent to save a child is what we were after," said NRA marketing director, Adolf Eichmann, no relation to the Nazi. "And what better way to bring that point home than to put him in an urban environment and shoot him. I thought we'd get the usual cartoon Xs for eyes, not blood. We were just waiting for him to get up and crack a joke, like: 'Oh, that really smartees', but he never did." The notion of the late sponge being a pitchsponge for such a right wing organization was not without controversy from the beginning. From a phone interview at his Bel Air manse, Patrick T. Starfish uttered a terse: "He got what he deserved." Starfish refused to answer the question that he had lost out as pitchfish to SquarePants. SpongeBob SquarePants' agent Saul Bellow, the Nobel Prize winning author now turned Hollywood uber talent broker, defends his position. "We wanted to give Bob more of a macho image, to squash the gay rumors that had been swirling around after the video. Tinky Winky can pull that off. He carries a purse and there's that whole British thing." Bellow absolutely denied rumors that the shooting was due to drug use on the set which gave rise to a fatal game of Russian roulette. Bellow bellowed: "This is SpongBob SquarePants we're talking about not Jon-Erik Hexum." The NRA is trying to put a positive spin on the unfortunate event. Eichmann maintains: "Well, we now know for sure that a) SpongeBob can't protect children from, at least, small caliber, automatic weapons fire and b) cartoon characters can die." Funeral services for SqaurePants will be held next Thursday at Temple Rudolph Shalom in New York City. HELLO: If you like what you read and would like to read more of Ed E. Druckman, check out his new ebook: http://www.acrobaticsolutions.com/ebook.htm

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Unconfirmed Sources political satire and news story parodies as represented above are written as satire or parody. They are, of course, fictitious.

if this was a joke i dont like that i though someone really killed the person what makes spongebob. im a huge spongebob fan and if anything happen to get the show cancled i will be mad

Satire/Fiction or not, I'm just gonna comment on one very ignorant statement. It was in extremely bad taste to make any comparisons with Spongebob Squarepants and The late Jon-Erik Hexum. Sadly, the stupid Russian Roulette Rumor is still perpetrated. Get your facts straight people, even if you are TRYING to be funny. Spongebob is hilarious, Jon's death, a very REAL tragedy.

I too agree with Ginger. The comment about Jon-Erik Hexum was in my opinion in very poor taste. The accidental shooting death of JEH was a tragedy, much like the recent death of Heath Ledger or for that matter any of the other high-profile deaths in Hollywood. It's easy to take a cheap shot at a dead man, since there's no way he can respond to it. I think next time, before you make such a comment, you should consider the families who were left behind and their feelings after they read such crap as this.