Unconfirmed sources report that the Bush administration will announce a new global initiative to stamp out torture. The new 'War on Torture' will be the new guiding principle that will inform all foreign policy decisions for Mr. Bush's second term. This initiative is also seen as a way to boost Bush's sagging poll numbers with a bold new plan to improve human rights world wide. Our sources indicate the Bush administration will use ALL means at it's disposal to, in Mr. Bush's own words, 'stomp out torture and secretly bury it in a shallow unmarked grave'.
"This is a global problem that demands a global situation." Said the President at the White House this morning. "Torture is bad. Tortruees are bad people. The people who torture or who are torturees are bad…We need to stop it. Stop it. In Texas when I was a boy they used to say 'Torture me once, shame on you. Torture me twice…we can't get tortured again.' We are going to stop torture. We are going to hunt down and string up as many torturers as we can. And that's a promise."
The President announced several programs to stop torture world wide, but also took action within the US to stop the practice. The President vowed to veto any law that contained any mention of the word 'torture'. He further admonished the congress to pass special laws forbidding anyone in the future from passing any laws that mentioned torture, especially if they concern the CIA.
White House spokesmen Ben Lion further reinforced the President's concerns about torture and the CIA.
'The President feels very strongly that global leadership on these types of issues starts at home. He believes that even the very mention of the word 'torture' in laws that concern the CIA could taint America's standing on this issue. We are, therefore, not going to talk about torture and the CIA. We are not going to talk about secret torture facilities and the CIA. We are not going to talk about secret programs to take prisoners to third world counties for torture and the CIA. And we most certainly are not going to talk about outlawing torture and the CIA. To talk about the CIA in this manner only brings unfounded suspicion that the CIA is deeply involved with torture, and we just aren't going to do that."
Amnesty International President Hans Brinkemeyer has applauded the Bush administration's worthy goal of 'stomping out torture and secretly burying it in a shallow grave', but has concerns about the overall executution of the initiative.