Iraq Al Qaeda threatens attacks. yeah whatever......
by Walid
Martyr of the Week Abu Musab al-ZarqawiCAIRO, Egypt - In a not so surprising announcement Al Qaeda in Iraq vowed Sunday to carry out terror attacks after the death of leader Abu Musab al-Zarqawi. The Web statement also insists they are still very very angry but the loss of Abu Musab al-Zarqawi will not effect day to day operations of the insurgency. The web site stressed he is indeed a great martyr but that his lose will in no way effect the ongoing terror operations.


The statement does not name a successor to al-Zarqawi, but did express outrage over the details of his demise. Unconfirmed reports from the Arab press have described how after US forces dropped 2 500 pound bombs on al-Zarqawi safe house they in fact killed him by savagely beating him to death. The outrage has been compared to the prisoner abuse at hands of Americans at Abu-grab.

Al Qaeda then vowed to prepare attacks "that will shake the enemy like an earthquake and rattle them out of sleep." In the Arab world It is widely believed that the Americans and Iraqi troops battling the insurgency are in fact a sleep.

Juan Cole the noted Professor of History at the University of Michigan stated. " I don't understand the logic of the new threats, I think it is very likely that Al Qaeda in Iraq would be continuing attacks regardless if al-Zarqawi was bombed beaten to death or was hit be a beer truck."

Other insurgent groups not related to Abu Musab al-Zarqawi or Al Qaeda are also vowing revenge for the death of the Jordanian terrorist. Posting to an insurgent chat room an unknown terrorist explained the heart felt loss he and his fellow murders are feeling. "I have never seen such a public outpouring of sorrow for a bloodthirsty scoundrel such as Abu Musab al-Zarqawi." Other fans posted "No one decapitated infidels quite like al-Zarqawi." and "His warmth as a human being was non existent, He will be missed."

To capitalize on the newly martyred al-Zarqawi and as a lasting tribute to the mans lifetime accomplishments in terror, A memorial scholarship fund has been created in honor of the late Abu Musab al-Zarqawi. The fund is accepting donations and the proceeds will be used to send Jordanian thugs and street punks terror camps and religious Madrases in Afghanistan.

 
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Unconfirmed Sources political satire and news story parodies as represented above are written as satire or parody. They are, of course, fictitious.
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