(Washington D.C.) Unconfirmed sources reports The Department of Homeland Security and the TSA will announce new airport screening regulations. Homeland Security Secretary, Michael Chertoff, said in an interview with The Associated Press "the new security plans will be phased in over the next several weeks. The first new guideline designed to make airline travel safer is "stop killing moslem people."
Chertoff discussed the new security measures at a press conference staged among the long lines of stranded travelers at California's LAX airport. "This is a comprehensive security plan, a plan that takes on the causes of airline insecurity."
The 10 point "National plan for airline security and patriotic victory".
#1. Stop killing Moslem people
#2. Stop torturing Moslem people
#3. Stop paying Israel to kill Moslem people
#4. Stop invading middle eastern nations
#5. Stop sending Home Land security money to protect petting zoo's
#6. Stop the civil war in Iraq
#7. Stop threatening Iran
#8. Stop messing around and nail Osama Bin Laden
#9. Stop sending money to countries that finance terror Saudi Arabia
#10. Stop making me take off my F%$@ing! shoes in the airport.