Unconfirmed Sources


CALIFORNIA PLANS TO BAN INEFFICIENT LIGHT BULBS

by Gunther Schnitzel

SACRAMENTO -- How many people does it take to change a light bulb? In California, the answer could be a majority of the Legislature. The electricity-wasting incandescent bulb would be banned -- replaced by energy efficient compact fluorescents -- under a bill that Assemblyman Lloyd Levine plans to introduce. " The compact fluorescents put out the same amount of light as the old filament bulbs but use about 70% less electricity," said Levine. " If everyone switched, our fossil-burning electric-producing plants would reduce their pollutants by 60%" Upon hearing of Levine's proposal, West Virginia's Governor, Joe Manchin, expressed approval: " Great idea," he said, "but I am introducing an even better bill here at next month's legislative session. I am proposing a bill to ban all domestic lighting using electricity, as well as fossil-fuel kerosene lanterns. Only candles will be allowed as domestic light sources in our homes. I expect, of course, to receive opposition, but we must realize that West Virginia is a bit behind the rest of the nation in innovative technology. The light bulb only recently made its way into our rural coal mining communities. I'm sure it won't be a problem with the 'valley folks', I'm told that the town of Possum Hollow just received electricity for the first time last month!" Possum Hollow Mayor, Sonny McCoy, hearing of the Governor's plan, commented, " I agree with the Governor. We got along fine without them 'lectric lights, until they put that new fangled 'electric juice' in last year. All them poles and wires they strung up along Main Street ain't a purty sight! Next thing ya' know, they'll be bringin' telephones into here!"