Non-Cancerous Moles Removed From President's Face, But Protests Continue
by Chuck Terzella
Doctors are reporting that several moles removed from the face of United States President George W. Bush are non-cancerous. The moles, small mammals that are known mostly in two types: the eastern mole and the star-nosed mole, were first discovered on Mr. Bush one morning several weeks ago; reportedly, it was First Lady Laura Bush's screaming early one morning as she awoke to find them on her husband's face. Since then, whenever Mr. Bush has appeared in public, he has been wearing heavier makeup than usual to cover up the disfiguring little beasts.
Newly renamed former Unnamed White House Source Wegman ( Pudgy) Waterhouse, speaking on the condition of anonymity said, "I gotta tell you, it was pretty disgusting. Sitting in the Oval Office, listening to him (Bush) drone on and on about how nobody loves him anymore and trying not to stare at those freaky little things with those weird mouths...ugh. You try and fight a war that way. All of the generals were nauseous half the time and were just agreeing with every stupid suggestion that the President made just to get the hell out of the room. Maybe, now that they're finally gone, we can get Iraq back on track by invading Iran."
It is theorized that President Bush first contracted the moles during a stay at his Crawford, Texas ranch, as moles are quite common to that region. As to how the little critters managed to attach themselves to Mr. Bush's right temple, Secret Service agents have postulated that it occurred during one of the President's many bike rides. Apparently, Mr. Bush fell over several agents while trying to eat barbequed ribs as he rode, the resultant fall planted his face in the Texas dust, stunning several moles who were burrowing near the surface and causing them to latch on to his face in fear. This reporter at least can understand; can you imagine George W. Bush's face flying towards you, smeared with BBQ sauce, at top speed? The mind boggles.
Animal rights groups such as PETA are criticizing doctors decision to kill and preserve the moles for the National Museum of Health and Medicine's collection in Washington, D.C., where they will join former President Dwight D. Eisenhower's gall stones and pieces of Abraham Lincoln's skull and hair as well as McKinley's vertebrae. Instead, they suggest that the moles be awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom, as they are now free of the President.
Two Buck Chuck is back!! Where ya been? On a bender or something... er... not that a bender isn't totally PC and a perfectly acceptable thing to do... ; )
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chuck wrote:
I'll tell ya all about as soon as the statutes of limitations expire. In the meantime, if anyone asks, I was with you the whole time.
While we do indeed have many items in our collections at the National Museum of Health and Medicine related to U.S. Presidents, we presently do not have, nor expect any, related to President George W. Bush. (We also don't have verterbrae of President McKinley.)
Admission and parking are always free.
Among the most popular anatomical specimens and historical artifacts on display are those related to President Abraham Lincoln. These include the bullet that ended his life, the probe used to locate the bullet, a blood-stained shirt cuff from the museum surgeon who attended the autopsy, and bone fragments and hair from Lincoln's skull. The collection also includes a pencil drawing of the deathbed scene made by the museum's medical illustrator immediately after the removal of Lincoln's body from the house in which he died. Also on display are copies by sculptor Avarel Fairbanks of Abraham Lincoln's life mask and hands made by Leonard Volk in 1860.
Regards,
Steven Solomon
Public Affairs Officer
National Museum of Health and Medicine,
Armed Forces Institute of Pathology,
6900 Georgia Avenue at Elder Street, NW
Washington, D.C. 20307 http://www.nmhm.washingtond...
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chuck wrote:
Dear Mr. Solomon,
My apologies re: Pres. McKinley...I was obviously misinformed. After reading your note, I can't wait to visit your museum this summer, if they'll let me into Washington DC at all.
I also urge any reader to take advantage of your facility, it sounds a fascinating place.
