" No forgiveness for wayward Congressmen, and I'm getting disgusted with the whole human race!"> God
by Gunther Schnitzel
How many Congressmen can 46 pounds of hooker phone records buy? It's been a rough year for politicians. Just one month after Rep. William Jefferson (D) was indicted on 16 counts of bribery and fraud, Sen. David Vitter (R) has become the first member of Congress officially ensnared in the controversy surrounding the so-called D.C. Madam -- Deborah Jeane Palfrey.The Louisiana senator released a statement apologizing for his patronage of Palfrey's alleged prostitution ring. The disclosure of Vitter's involvement in the scandal came when Palfrey was granted permission to publish the phone records of her escort service, Pamela Martin & Associates.
"This was a very serious sin in my past for which I am, of course, completely responsible," Vitter said in his statement. "Several years ago, I asked for and received forgiveness from God and my wife in confession and marriage counseling. Out of respect for my family, I will keep my discussion of the matter there with God and them.
Although Vitter's indiscretions are just coming to Washington's attention this week, SALON reported on rumors of the affair just before his election in 2004. That report quotes the senator's wife, Wendy Vitter, as saying in 2000, "I'm a lot more like Lorena Bobbitt than Hillary [Rodham Clinton]. If he does something like that, I'm walking away with one thing in my hand, and it's not alimony, trust me."
Most of these 'sinners' claim that God has forgiven their 'indiscretions'. True?
We sent a fax to St. Peter saying we heard only from the transgressors. We asked if God HAS forgiven these corrupted hypocrites. We were surprised and pleased to receive a response.
In the reply, St. Peter said he discussed the matter with God, who said that the statements from David Vitter, Mark Foley, Bob Ney, William Jefferson, Randy "Duke" Cunningham, Rick Renzi, Dan Rostenkowski, Tom DeLay, Gerry Studs,.... in all, more than a dozen convicted felons who were formerly members of Congress, as well as scores of others in high places who said they "asked for, and received His penitence," are just adding another lie to their portfolio.
" Sure, they asked for forgiveness, but God has more important things to do, than forgive this corrupt group. The answer is 'No,' said St. Peter. "Also, God asked me to correct some other misinformation that those who pretend to speak with him are spreading."
"He never authorized a State Religion. He never told those writing the Constitution that the United States is a Christian Nation....or that China is a Buddhist nation, or that Italy is a Catholic nation, or that Iraq is a Muslim nation, or India a Hindu one... All these religions were invented by man, God had nothing to do with that nonsense. He never authorized any government to legislate what a woman could do with her body. He never told Moses that the Ten Commandments were to be posted in schools and court houses. He never authorized those fake televangelists who claim to speak in His name, to collect money for their Mercedes and their wife's jewelry. He never discussed or authorized the war with Iraq with Bush. In fact, God is totally disgusted with the way Earth is turning out, and He's devoting full attention to Callisto, a moon of Jupiter, where he is evolving some new... and hopefully better, life forms."
The fax disappeared right after we read it, so you'll just have to take our word on this story.