Lohan Blames DUI Arrest on Ankle Bracelet
by Dood Abides
Lindsay Lohan booked with shaven head by Santa Monica Police after her DUI arrest early this morning

Santa Monica, CA (APE) - Just days after surrendering for arrest following a drunk driving charge last year, 21 year old Lindsay Lohan was arrested again, early this morning, by Santa Monica Police for apparently driving under the influence. Lohan had reportedly been tailing the car of the mother of her former personal assistant, when the mother became concerned with her behavior and phoned police. Lohan subsequently registered a .13 blood alcohol level according to authorities.

Lohan was also charged with possession and transportation of cocaine.

A spokesperson for Ms. Lohan stated that she was not aware of the cocaine found in her Denali and did not claim possession of it. "This has all been an unfortunate misunderstanding," stated the spokesperson. "Ms. Lohan began having difficulty with her vehicle, swerving erratically, when the elastic bandage that she had placed under her alcohol monitoring bracelet for comfort became entangled with the accelerator pedal. It was fortunate that she was able to steer the Denali into the Police department for assistance."

When asked about her newly shaved head, the spokesperson stated that Ms. Lohan had done this herself with a set of rechargeable clippers in her vehicle outside the police station prior to arrest. When asked about the alcohol level, Lohan's spokesperson stated that she had made a mistake in trying to calm herself after the incident by consuming an alcoholic beverage.

 
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Unconfirmed Sources political satire and news story parodies as represented above are written as satire or parody. They are, of course, fictitious.

Your Comments



Dominus wrote:
I didn't realize Lindsey Lohan had her arms amputated.
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Cyrus wrote:
Haha. When I found this article, I actually thought it was real until I reached the last paragraph. This is no less ridiculous than the actual excuses made by her PR agent. Funny.
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