UCS Reporters
The Dood Abides
Dominus Noster
Ed E. Druckman
Kamal El-Din
Gunther Schnitzel
Chuck Terzella
Walid
Nickfun

 

 

 

United Airlines to Charge for Water, Coffee and Bathroom Use
by Walid
United Airlines to charge for bathroom use.(Chicago) Ucs News- UAL the parent of United Airlines announced the air carrier will be charging customers for the use of bathrooms in flight. The airline cited the rising cost of jet fuel and the fact they can get away with it as the reasons for the new bathroom charges.

The press released detailed the fee structure and the September 1st start date for the new "services'. According to United the coffee and water charge will be $1.00 for each. The bathroom fee will be $2.00 for "liquid waste" and $3.00 of the removable of "solid waste".

The new policy will require customers to "Rent" the bathroom key from airline staffers. The press release stated the co-pilot of the aircraft will be responsible for collecting the fee and issuing the keys. 1k, Gold and Silver class frequent flyers will be allowed to exchange airline miles for the use of facilities.

While critics of the new policy basted United for the new "Pay to Poo" policy the airline is so far refusing to consider reducing the fees.

UAL spokesman Davis Sparks stated "In this economic environment we will be aggressively seeking new ways to get more from our customers." According to Sparks the airline is currently seeking FAA approval of a standing room only class and extra changes for seat belts.

 
Rate This Item
 
I Liked It
 
Print
7041 Views
 
Unconfirmed Sources political satire and news story parodies as represented above are written as satire or parody. They are, of course, fictitious.

Your Comments



Sue wrote:
This is the stupidest thing I have ever read. I work for United and this is complete crap!
_______________________________


teamster wrote:
actually sounds right considering our talented management teams we have here!
lean 5s+1
_______________________________


el wrote:
I also work for United and think is great idea, we need to squeeze all passengers pockets.
_______________________________


Randye wrote:
This is the biggest piece of "crap" I have seen yet. I too work for United and I think they have more class than this! But with our Management..
_______________________________


funnyMan wrote:
do they take credit cards, and what if we do not have loose bills?

This is FUNNY
_______________________________


Roscoe wrote:
keep you money in your pockets...the lavs will be inop anyway. pampers anyone?
_______________________________


Batgirl wrote:
This is Southwest....and whoever wrote this is very funny :)
_______________________________


Doug wrote:
It's a joke, idiots, a well-written one but a joke nonethless.

Thing is, it WILL happen one of these days...
_______________________________


Chingas wrote:
WOuldn't suprise me at all!! What a bunch of losers at the controls of UAL. Hey, good job on finally locking in some fuel hedges (at $152). Titlon needs to give himself another raise.
_______________________________


nickfun wrote:
I think an extra surcharge for the sir would be appropriate. Of course large, "heavy breathers" would be charged more than slender females. You wouldn't dare laugh because of the extra air surcharge!
_______________________________


phantom wrote:
Can You carry a plastic bag with
you, to let Your urin go to?
_______________________________


Alexander wrote:
You can buy a plastic bag from
the stewardess. It cost $0,50..!
_______________________________


MIKE PINGEL wrote:
GLENN TILTON MUST BE REWARDING HIMSELF FOR ANOTHER STELLAR MANAGEMENT DECISION THAT FURTHER IRRITATES THE WORKERS AND HAVE WALL STREET SHAKING THEIR HEADS IN DISBELIEF. GO GLENN GO. FILL THAT MONEY PILLOW.!!!! MAYBE GET SOME ADVICE FROM FRANK LORENZO.
_______________________________


Speculator wrote:
Its the Speculators, the speculators fault; they caused them to reosrt to this BS; sorry H.S.

How about voting with your feet, money and staycation; send a message,

Rename the Airline:

Fannie Air Flights (We need a bailout too because your hurtful, and its an election year, sucka.)
_______________________________


Renista wrote:
If they ever do this, I'm going to purposely go potty on the floor outside of the door.
_______________________________


Bob C. wrote:
Hey, if Spirit Airlines is charging for a carry-on and RyanAir is charging to use their toilet, I don't think this is so outlandish. Suggestions:

Bring on your own Starbucks bought after security.

Wear cargo pants and stuff every pocket until you look like the Michelin Man.

And it's better to be pissed off than pissed on!
_______________________________


world of warcraft power leveling wrote:
Most of the other skills/professions if you do pick them up, it should be just for money. I havent been able to find a good use for them.
Be sure to bookmark this page and check out the other guides to make HUGE amounts of gold in this game.
_______________________________


Lincoln Zephyr Parts wrote:
Hi,I just wanted to say how much I enjoyed looking through your site!
_______________________________

Add Your Comments








Comments must be approved before being published.

 

In case You Missed Them...

Sweaty Brooks Institute student Josh Halpern would prefer the doors stay open. Brooks Institute Closes Its Doors

Tom Cruise undergoing treatment at an undisclosed location outside of Paris, France Tom Cruise Diagnosed with Postpartum Depression

Bush and Rep. Katherine Harris share intimate feelings in regards to her run for US Senate Bush, Harris Feel Each Other Out in Awkward Moment

 

Recently in the News