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Sarah Palin...A Heartbeat Away?
by Chuck Terzella
"Foreign Policy? I'd Like To Buy A Vowel, Pat"

I guess it plays well with somebody out there, but after eight years of hearing George W. Bush spit out his down home, folksy patter, I don't think I could stand another four of Sarah Palin's, "You betcha's," and "darn rights". When did it become a law that our President or Vice President have to sound stupider than ninety percent of the American People, or, in the cases of George Bush and Sarah Palin, actually be stupider than ninety percent of the American People? "Sarah, we've-been attacked again by Middle East terrorists and John McCain just stroked out and flat-lined...you're now Madam President. Should we bomb Toronto?" "You Betcha!". For God's sake.

Seriously, can you imagine Sarah Palin leading us in either war or peace? She's make a good First Lady, sure, but our Commander-in-Chief? She doesn't even seem to realize where she lives; she refers to Alaska as 'the Heartland', as if Alaska is tucked in somewhere between Iowa and Nebraska. Alaska might be many things, but the Heartland it ain't.

I keep getting the feeling that if she and John McCain lose in November she's going to be really pissed- not because she lost, but because she wasted so much time learning all this stupid economic and foreign affairs crap for nothing. You can tell she really studied hard and took a lot of notes- in fact, she seemed to be constantly referring to them all evening, at some points even reading directly from them. The Crib Sheet Veep.

But what really got me was when Joe Biden almost broke up as he spoke of the accident that killed his wife. Back in 2004, when Dick Cheney talked about his gay daughter, John Edwards and he shared a genuine and intimate moment of sympathy. Sarah Palin just blew by a moment of obvious pain for Senator Biden, as if acknowledging his suffering might somehow give him credence. Or maybe her handlers never coached her that in addition to being folksy she might have to at some point be human as well. Hell, maybe she just didn't care. After all, part of being a "pit bull in lipstick" is being a pit bull.

So today the mainstream press talks about how Sarah Palin didn't lose the debate and to some, might have even won it, just because she wasn't completely stupid. Is that what American politics has become- we'll elect her because she's not an utter bone-head?
I guess it's true in these days of Bush...anyone really can become president.

 
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Unconfirmed Sources political satire and news story parodies as represented above are written as satire or parody. They are, of course, fictitious.

Your Comments



nickfun wrote:
She's the worst possible choice any human being could have dreamed up as a running mate. She hauls her entire family around on the campaign trail with her like they are a heard of sheep headed for slaughter. But I'll bet her kids are glad to get out of that frozen ice bucket they call a state.
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chuck wrote:
Actually, Dick Cheney was the worst possible choice any human being could have dreamed up. Spiro Agnew was pretty bad as well, but as Sister Sarah says, "Forget the blamin, let's get to fixin!" Let's fix it by not electing her, shall we?

By the way, nice to meet ya Nick.
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R. McPhail wrote:
Now we have what you liberal knuckle heads wanted. You ask for change, you're going to be lucky if you have any remaining after Obama gets through. He's going to be long remembered for the bills that he left us to pay. The really sad thing is that you knuckle heads know she allot smarter and a bigger threat to your screwed up liberal world than you want to let on. She may just be the person to fix this "gosh darn" were in now.
Go get them Sarah !. Keep kick'em in the tail feathers.
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ChuckTerzella wrote:
May 2010- the Dow is above 10,000...gold is dropping...unemployment is leveling off...the housing market is slowly stabilizing. God, we've really screwed up this one.
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