Salvia Divinorum to Remain Legal
by NickFun
A college student high on Salvia Divinorum
Law enforcement officials in 36 states have declared that they have no plans to ban the sale and/or distribution of the potent hallucinogen Salvia Divinorum because the product does not make the person feel good.

"It was the worst high I ever had", said UC Berkley drug researcher Dr. Jonathan Crumpet. "It made me feel like I was two-dimensional – like two pages out of a book. I never want to feel like that again.

Crumpet stated that LSD and mushrooms were a much more pleasant trip and he advised his graduate students to continue research into those two substances.

However, the US Drug Enforcement Administration (DEA) encourages young people to try the drug. "We want kids to think this is what drugs are about so they will stay off drugs", said DEA Acting Administrator Michele Leonhart.

Leonhart stated that too many young people are getting turned onto "feel good" drugs such as meth, cocaine , heroin and marijuana. If they found a legal alternative they would refrain from engaging in illegal activities.

"If I catch my kids using Salvia I wouldn't even punish them because use of the drug is punishment enough", Leonhart stated.

Some college age students declared that they actually like the drug and would continue using it on a recreational basis.

"I like feeling two dimensional", said 24-year-old UCLA post doctoral student Rebecca Fletcher. "It's such an escape from this four dimensional world!"

Salivia Divinorum is available at most smoke shops throughout the United States.

 
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Unconfirmed Sources political satire and news story parodies as represented above are written as satire or parody. They are, of course, fictitious.

Your Comments



chuckie wrote:
What idiot came up with this crap?? Salvia's going to be banned across the country. The DEA is already on to the 3rd step of regulation. It's only a matter of time. Play dead, pretend, whatever, salvia's going down.
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nickfun wrote:
Hey Chuckie! Maybe it's a joke! We all know the government won't stand for anything people want to do! They would outlaw breathing if it didn't kill taxpayers!
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samuelcornell wrote:
for real info on Salvia divinorum please visit http://www.salviatruth.com
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Bruno wrote:
Salvia divinorum has never been shown to lead to any problem. Strong evidences exist that it is non addictive, and that it is non toxic, and that it is actually an excellent medication for nasal congestion, headache, sleep trouble, depression, and ... addiction of all kinds.
It is also highly psycho-active, but if that makes it a drug, then we have to ban mathematics, music, churches, alpinism, fundamental research, etc.
To ban salvia is an act contradictory with the american constitution. Simply.
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nickfun wrote:
Hey Bruno! I must check these older stories more often! I've never taken salvia but the people that I know who have taken it say it totally freaks them out. Though, I agree, it should remain legal.
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k2 spice wrote:
Some of the trips sound terrifying. I don't think I am brave enough for that...
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