Sarah Palin: Letterman Extortionist To Be Commended!
by Ed E. Druckman
Would Jesus blackmail Letterman?(Wasilla-AK) Sarah Palin is calling "48 Hours" producer Robert Joe Halderman", who three weeks ago attempted to extort two million dollars from "Late Show with David Letterman" host David Letterman over his sexual affairs with several female show staff member, "a revealer who should be commended and not put in jail." Palin showed her commitment by both Tweeting her statement and posting it on her Facebook profile.

Halderman, a 20 years CBS veteran without 2 million dollars, alleged to have evidence that Letterman had relationships with several women on the show. In a sting operation, he was caught attending what he thought was a payment meeting. Fortunately, the cash did not tip him off, which was Monopoly money. Said arresting officer Ed Morgan, "Yeah, we wanted to act fast. And the money request got lost, so you know, we adapt." Luckily all went well, or as Morgan put it, "This guy was a producer on "48 Hours", but I don't think he was an "investigative" producer if you get what I mean? I think Uncle Pennnybags could have been there to give him the money and he wouldn't have thought anything."

Intelligence aside or perhaps because of it, Sarah Palin has come out on the side of Halderman. "The Gospel of John says, "The Truth will set you free", but that doesn't mean that the truth is free. This man is a revealer!" Palin admitted that "while what Mr. Halderman did is wrong. It doesn't change the fact that David Letterman is a dirty old man, like Chester the Molester." Palin was quick to qualify the reference. "For those of you wondering how I know about "Chester the Molester", let's not forget that Letterman is the masher here not me."

The feud between Palin and Letterman began earlier this year when the talk show host made a joke about one of Palin's daughters being knocked up by Yankee baseball player Alex Rodriguez during the seventh inning stretch. Letterman later clarified that he meant Palin's 18 year old daughter, Bristol, not 14 year old daughter, Willow, and went further to say that the joke was in poor taste. Regardless, Palin demanded that Letterman apologize to women everywhere.

As a final show of support to Halderman Palin wrote, "It's not often you see someone with such courage who doesn't have a beehive hairdo is a Christian or knows about government death panels. And I'm going to do everything in my power to free this brave man, even if it means speaking at events on his behalf for half my normal fee."

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Unconfirmed Sources political satire and news story parodies as represented above are written as satire or parody. They are, of course, fictitious.
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Unconfirmed Sources political satire and news story parodies as represented above are written as satire or parody. They are, of course, fictitious.