Former beauty queen, former governor of Alaska, failed vice presidential candidate, author and prospective reality TV show star Sarah Palin admitted today that she has become greedy beyond avarice and is trying to make as much money as she possibly can.
"I want to get super rich and move out of this frozen wastebasket of a state!" Palin candidly revealed to the news media. "If I can get my own reality show that will give me enough money to move to southern California or some nice place like that!"
Palin has already made $3.4 million from her first book titled Going Rogue but she claims that is "not nearly enough". She is hoping that her book deals, celebrity and guest appearances will bring in "at least $250 million over the next five years". Palin is requesting $1.5 million per episode for her new reality series.
Palin suggested she would like to live near television host Oprah Winfrey in the Montecito area of Santa Barbara. However, the only property in that area that is available and anywhere near affordable is the old main campus for Brooks Institute. Brooks has lowered their asking price for the property from $30 million to $1 million when it was discovered the property had been contaminated for decades with dangerous film processing chemicals.
"I don't mind a few chemicals!" Palin stated. "Chemicals are what makes this country great! Besides, we'll be so rich we can drink and shower with bottled water!"
Oprah was not as enthusiastic about having Palin watering her lawn next to hers. "Keep that crazy bitch out of my neighborhood!" Oprah was overheard screaming.
Palin's husband Todd was enthusiastic about the idea. "I can see myself sunning on the beach surrounded by young hotties".