After Arrest of Russian Spies, State Department Reveals; Russians Now Know Everything
by NickFun
Hillary Clinton was visibly angry about "those communist bastards" making her look bad.
Red faced State Department officials admitted today that the Russian government now knows everything there is to know about the United States and keeping secrets has become 'a big joke'.

"We have tons and tons of secret documents", said a State Department official who asked to remain nameless. "The Russians have copies of everything. They have accessed all our sensitive computers, downloaded all military secrets, copied all NASA files and even know about our secret German radar installations! If they didn't have access to everything how would they know about the atomic weapons hidden in the Ozarks? Or the Alaskan ones? Not to mention our secret UFO technology!"

President Obama assured reporters that steps are being taken to assure they don't find out anything else from now on.

Secretary State Hilary Clinton was noticeably angry about the security breaches. After a cordial meeting with reporters, Clinton entered the ladies room where witnesses saw her kicking the stall doors wile screaming "those fucking commie bastards are making me look bad!!!"

The ten Russians who were arrested will be tried and, if convicted, most likely executed or will spend the remainder of their lives in prison.

The people the spies worked for will not be reprimanded but will engage in friendly discussions with President Obama.

 
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Unconfirmed Sources political satire and news story parodies as represented above are written as satire or parody. They are, of course, fictitious.
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Unconfirmed Sources political satire and news story parodies as represented above are written as satire or parody. They are, of course, fictitious.