Sarah Palin Insists Booth Did Not Kill Lincoln; Implicates CIA Conspiracy
by NickFun
Sarah Palin insists much of what we think we know about history is wrong.
Adding more to her revisionist history, Sarah Palin firmly stated today that John Wilkes Booth did not kill Abraham Lincoln. Instead, she suggests Lincoln was killed by the CIA hidden in a grassy knoll at Ford's Theater.

"John Wilkes Both was an innocent bystander!" the former beauty queen told Unconfirmed Sources. "He was made a scapegoat by the CIA. He tried to warn Lincoln that the CIA was after him!"

Palin was reminded that the CIA did not exist prior to 1947 though she remained adamant that her version of history was correct.

"Maybe they didn't call it the CIA back then but there was something like it and they're the ones who killed Lincoln because they wanted to bring back slavery and keep women from voting!"

Palin reminded us that women were not allowed to vote until the 1920's so the CIA-like organization was at least partly successful. In addition, though slavery remained outlawed, Mexicans started coming to this country in droves and worked for slave wages with the wpporval of the US government.

"That's why we have so many illegal Mexicans here now!" Palin proclaimed. "The CIA is bringing them here so food prices will stay low!"

Wikipedia is making revisions to comply with Palin's most recent version of history.

 
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Unconfirmed Sources political satire and news story parodies as represented above are written as satire or parody. They are, of course, fictitious.

Your Comments



Jack Ronayne wrote:
Palin is right. Except it was the army and the NDP working under Edwin Stanton the Sectretary of War and Colone Lafeyette C. Baker, head of the NDP (Northern Detective Police). The NDP were the equvalent of the CIA and FBI in combined intelligence, also known as Baker's Secret Service. Booth intended to kidnap Lincoln to force an exchange of prisoners of war but the plot was rumbled and Booth was framed. The killer shot Lincoln through a 3/16" spy-hole in the locked door of the state box (no.7 the first of two doors; door no.8's lock being bust) likely with a 38 revolver at a level and distance of about 4 feet.
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nickfun wrote:
Thanks Jack! I'm glad we cleared that up!
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