Just hours after saying the private sector is "doing fine" President Obama admitted that the private sector actually sucks and most people are forced to "bite the big one".
"I realized after my speech that the economy sucks, people are unemployed and things are much shittier than I though", Obama admitted. "I talked to my advisers before the speech and they told me everything was just great. From now on I will read the newspaper before I make a speech".
The President was forced to make this rare admission after Republican rival Mitt Romney claimed the president was "out of touch" on the issues and tried to use the president's ignorance for his own political gain.
"I read the paper every day", Romney stated. "I KNEW things sucked before Obama knew it!"
Romney also said that if he's elected he will bring gas prices down to $1.89 per gallon, eliminate personal income taxes, eliminate the federal deficit and make every U.S. Citizen happy.
"I guarantee you will love me when I am elected!" Romney said with a smile. "Don't vote for that ignoramus! Vote for me!"