Unconfirmed sources report that the President has awarded Scott Peterson, the convicted double murderer, with the Medal of Freedom. The medal was awarded during a secret White House Ceremony attended by the President, Scott Peterson and Laci Peterson's mother and friends. The President pinned the Medal on Peterson's formal prison uniform and thanked him for keeping the public occupied while he lied his way to a re-election victory.
The ceremony last just a few minutes then Peterson posed for a picture with other recent winners of the Medal of Freedom former CIA Director George Tenet, retired Gen. Tommy Franks, who oversaw combat in Afghanistan and Iraq, and former Iraq administrator L. Paul Bremer. Peterson was then returned to his prison cell on death row to await his final punishment.
"These four guys winning this award is not really a big surprise." Noted popular conservative critic Andrew Sullivan. "Each of then has done their special part in helping to get the President re-elected. Tenet, Franks and Bremmer made sure the American public was not paying attention to domestic issues like the budget and the roll backs of civil liberties, while Peterson made sure no one was paying attention to the mess Tenet, Franks, and Bremmer where making of Iraq. The whole thing fit together perfectly and now the country is going to enjoy the benefits of another four years of Washington mayhem. Bush should be thankful for the work these guys are doing and I bet in time each of them gest a presidential pardon for their diehard service."
Scott Peterson's lawyer, Mark Geragos, spoke to reporters after the secret ceremony. "While we are thankful that President has recognized Scott's role in helping in his re-election we where hoping for a bit more that the Medal Of Freedom. We were really hoping for a pardon, but don't get me wrong Scott will treasure the medal until his dying day."