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BUSH CONSULTS WITH ROMANIAN TORTURE CHIEF FOR INTERROGATING SUGGESTIONS.
by Gunther Schnitzel
Gregor Robvisc, Romania's torture chief
WASHINGTON -- After conferring with Romania's torture chief, President Bush signed an order Friday that clears the way for the CIA to resume some of the harsh interrogation methods it has used against terrorism suspects,


Major Gregor Robvisc, chief interrogator for Siguranşa Statului, the torture division of the Romanian secret police, was invited to the United States by Bush to suggest interrogation techniques which were successful in Romania.
Following a state dinner, attended by Karl Rove, Vice President Cheney, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales, and the Reverend Benny Hinn, the group viewed videotapes of methods used successfully by Robvisc.

Alberto Gonzales explained to Robvisc why more severe methods were necessary to extract information from the detainees at Guantanamo and leased 'black sites' in various countries. " The problem we have," said Gonzales, " is that we need to give a reason why we picked up and confined these guys. They gotta confess to SOMETHING, otherwise it makes us look foolish, as we have no idea why we have them locked up."

After the group viewed and enthusiastically endorsed Romanian torture methods, and upon Reverend Hinn assuring the gathering that Jesus would approve them, the President signed into law modifications and additions to certain interrogation techniques already in use by the CIA and Blackwater operatives, as follows::

>Detainees can be boiled in oil for no longer than one hour.
>Electric current to genitals should be reduced upon the appearance of smoke.
>Total blindness is not authorized. Only one eye may be gouged out.
>Molten lead poured into ears is approved.
>Honey should not be poured upon detainee staked out over a fire ant colony.
>When a bound detainee is thrown into a cage of hungry rats, no more than six rats are authorized.
>Food and water deprivation cannot exceed three weeks.

Additional torture methods suggested by Robvisc were adopted, but were so horrible that they were classified as secret by Gonzales.

Robvisc expressed interest in visiting Guantanamo to observe 'extractive techniques' used by the Bush administration which would be effective in his country.

The dinner ended with Reverend Benny Hinn leading a prayer for a safe, compassionate Christian world of peace, love, and justice for all.

 
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