Unconfirmed Sources Print Edition
by Kamal El-Din

Microsoft Makes Zero Day Exploit Recommendation: Buy a Mac

Zero dayUnconfirmed sources report that draft recommendations from Microsoft on how to defeat the Zero Day problems includes buying an Apple IMac Computer. The draft document printed on internal Microsoft letterhead was leaked to Unconfirmed Sources by a member of the Zero Day crisis team that has been working around the clock in Redmond, home of Microsoft.

"I know it sounds strange for a Microsoft guy to tell you to buy a Mac, but there it is." Says an unnamed Microsoft employee. "The Zero Day exploit is a very serious problem that we have to deal with here. We really need to come clean on this one and take responsibility for this type of programming negligence. I just hope that after the class action lawsuits are done I still have a job."

Legal experts don't expect the Zero Day debacle to destroy Microsoft, but it does call into question the idea of allowing faulty Microsoft Software to be the basis of the world's computing infrastructure.

The draft document recommends several different methods for protecting a PC with the Windows operating system from the Zero Day exploit. The recommendations are listed below, in order of least to most effective.

1. Install the Microsoft Patch to Fix the Problem. (If they ever make one, that is)
2. Upgrade Your third party Virus Protection
3. Don't use the internet
4. Convert you PC to Linux
5. Turn off your Windows PC, and never turn it back on
6. Buy a Mac

Microsoft vowed to fix the Zero Day exploit and the ten other massive security flaws in the Windows Operating System and has even agreed to pay for any lost computer time or lost work product related to the flawed software.


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