March 24, 2006

United States President George W. Bush, well known in Washington DC as the voice of reason and sanity in that vociferously strident (stridently vociferous?) city has called for a "serious debate' on the issue but stressed, "...it must be done in a civil way." Democrat and Republican members of Congress have responded to Mr. Bush's call, replying, "Oh, piss off."

"If you are doing a job that Americans won't do, you're welcome here for a period of time to do that job." said Mr. Bush on Thursday. Mexican President Vicente Fox has reportedly thanked Mr. Bush, but declined his offer to take over the leadership of the United States, saying, " That idiota made his bed, and I'm not going to take the blame…oh, he said "won't do? I thought he said, 'can't do'. Mi error."

President Bush has long advocated some form of temporary alien permit system, saying, "Without the help of our uneducated little brown brothers and sisters south of the border our toilets would stink, our cars would be all dirty and our richest families wouldn't have anyone to mow their lawns or take out the garbage. It would tear apart the fabric of our society, at least for my friends."

The immigration issue threatens to cause a rift between two major Republican core groups at a time when the President desperately needs unity in his party. On one side, business interests desperately want immigrants who they can under pay, abuse and ignore the welfare of, while social conservatives feel that there are more than enough Blacks and Native Americans in this country to shit on. Xenophobes on both sides of the aisle worry about national security, rightly identifying poor Mexicans trying to feed their families as the number one threat to the nation, far outstripping Muslim Fundamentalists and even Canadians. They have a point. Once Mexicans who risk their very lives to get to the US realize that the American Dream is a nightmare of fourteen hours days crouching under the broiling sun picking grapes and beans or getting maimed or killed in construction accidents, chances are they may become…disillusioned. God knows where that can lead. Hopefully, not a more caring or open society.