Unconfirmed Sources Print Edition
by Dominus Noster

Ron Paul polling very low

Ron Paul polling very lowWASHINGTON, D.C. -- Unconfirmed Sources has decided to conduct its own, scientific and independent poll to verify whether or not Ron Paul has any support. Using our crack team of Ivy League pollsters, we surveyed people from five different demographic groups.

We asked the following question:

Are you going to vote for Ron Paul in your state's primary/caucus?

Group 1, which consisted of 284 randomly-selected Bill O'Reilly fans, was decidedly against Ron Paul.

Yes - 0
No - 283
Maybe - 1


Group 2, which consisted of 3 randomly-selected Bill Kristol supporters, was decidedly against Ron Paul.

Yes - 0
No - 3
Maybe - 0


Group 3, which consisted of 47 randomly-selected supporters of the USA PATRIOT Act, was decidedly against Ron Paul.

Yes - 0
No - 47
Maybe - 0


Group 4, which consisted of 86 randomly-selected supporters of torture and enhanced interrogation techniques, was decidedly against Ron Paul.

Yes - 0
No - 86
Maybe - 0


Group 5, which consisted of 67 randomly-selected supporters of never-ending wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, was decidely against Ron Paul.

Yes - 0
No - 67
Maybe - 0


Our poll results indicate that Ron Paul has absolutely no support amongst the .1% of fringe, lunatics on the far neoconservative end of the political spectrum. If Ron Paul wishes to poll better amongst these people, his campaign will have to adopt a pro-insanity platform.

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