Unconfirmed Sources Print Edition
by NickFun

Governor Paterson Still Plans to Run Despite Everyone Hating Him

Gov Paterson always looks like he hasn't shaven for 3-5 days.
Perpetually unshaven New York Governor David Paterson fiercely proclaimed today that he was still going to run for a full four year term as governor in 2010 despite the objections of President Obama, Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, all democratic members of congress, his wife, his children and 98% of the voters in New York.

"This isn't about the people of New York or the opinions of others", Paterson declared. "It's about ego!"

Paterson claims that he is still better than everyone else despite his poor performance record as governor. He claims that every decision he makes is correct even though it has led to the downfall of New York and caused untold suffering.

"If I had made different decisions they would have made things even worse", Paterson believes.

Paterson, who is famous for his racial rants, blames his current poor showing in the polls on "white, mayonnaise faced honkeys who feet threatened by black men".

Sources claim that if Paterson wakes up and drops out of the race it will open up opportunities for more likely and preferable candidates such as Mario Cuomo and Rudy Guiliani.

At least one New Yorker supported Paterson. Gang member Pierre "Crucifix" Jones said, "I sure as hell ain't voting for no white ass Guinea!"

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