Unconfirmed Sources Print Edition
by NickFun

Wall Street Journal, New York Post, Fox Broadcasting and All Other Rupert Murdoch Companies To Close

Sources say Murdoch is secretly laughing at us.
In the wake of the News of the World phone hacking scandal, 80 year old Rupert Murdoch said today that he will be closing down his entire News Corporation media empire.

"I regret the things I've done", Murdoch said in a remorseful statement. "For the good of the world I am closing down all my businesses".

Fox Entertainment Group alone employs over 12,500 people in such diverse fields as movies studios and cable and satellite television.

Though Murdoch expressed outward remorse to the media, behind the scenes friends say he is enjoying the attention.

"He has become a total megalomaniac!" said one of his 26 year old, sexy, blond assistants who asked to remain anonymous. "He is laughing about all this!"

Another anonymous source quoted Murdoch as saying, "I control the world! The world will drop to its knees before it sees me punished! HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!"

US Attorney General Eric Holder insists Murdoch will be punished "for his reprehensible actions".

"What Murdoch did is beyond comprehension and violates the dignity of every human being. ", Holder said in a statement. "Citizens are not, under any circumstances to hack into phones and violate the sacred privacy of other private citizens. Only the Justice Department can do that!"

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