Unconfirmed Sources Print Edition
by Walid

Jackson trial Shocker! : "Tennessee Senator Bill Frist Filibustered Bubbles the Monkey!"

Jackson Frist BubblesUnconfirmedsources report Michael Jackson's defense team to plead emotional distress. Today trial lawyers in the Jackson case unveiled the core of their defense strategy. Lead Jackson defense attorney Thomas Mesereau Jr. filed papers today claiming his client was suffering from extreme emotional distress at the time of the alleged acts of child molestation.

Court transcripts released today detail how Tennessee Senator Dr. Bill Frist visited Jackson's Never-land Ranch in the fall of 1994 on a "Republican fundraising tour". Witnesses claim Tennessee Senator Dr. Bill Frist lured the defenseless primate Bubbles into a rusted work-shed with a ripe banana and a bottle of Captain Morgans Spiced Rum. Once inside the shed the Senator repeatedly Filibustered the howling monkey. Jackson and his personal body guard rescued the Monkey after 8 harrowing hours of semi-violent non-stop filibustering.

Witness recall Jackson was sobbing uncontrollably as he held the Monkey on the 45 minute trip to the animal emergency center. Veterinary records indicate Bubbles the Monkey suffered minor injuries but showed signs of sever emotional trauma. When police arrived Bubbles had been heavily sedated and Mr. Jackson would not allow the processing of a primate "rape kit".

After the incident Jackson was severely depressed. His defense team claims that Jackson sought comfort and security in the arms of small drunk boys. Tennessee Senator Dr. Bill Frist would not comment on the Filibustered monkey story, but one of his staffers commented. "The Senator has no time for monkey business, He has moved on to filibustering judges."

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