2.2 Million Sudanese apply for Indonesian Citizenship: Jakarta Says No Way

(Authors Note: When this piece was first posted I used a photo of a fly ridden Sudanese child, then the next day switched it to the current smiling Thai child. In roughly the same time frame nearly twice as many people clicked on the story with the Thai kid.)

More than 2.2 million Sudanese have mobbed the Indonesian Consulate in Darfur in an attempt to apply for citizenship in the tsunami ravaged island country. The Sudanese, victims of an ongoing civil war that has so far claimed an estimated 70,000 lives and countless maimed and wounded, have been casting a wistful eye towards the Pacific nation and the outpouring of aid it has received in the wake of the December 26, 2004 wave that devastated South Asia and the hope is that if they can get to Indonesia people will stop cutting off their hands and feet and raping their women.

Indonesian officials are said to be reluctant to grant citizenship to the Sudanese; fears are that once the world realizes that their aid money will be going to help Africans instead of South Asians the relief effort will dry up. Unnamed Jakarta source Widodo (Susilo) Bambang, speaking on the condition of anonymity said, ” Let’s face it, you westerners think we South Asians are cute and our women are pretty exotic and beautiful. We get movies like The Beach with Leonardo DiCaprio while Africans get movies like Black Hawk Down. Places like Thailand have a reputation for great sex and Sudan has a reputation for amputees. Who would you rather give your money to? Aside from Don Cheadle and Bono, no one gives a shit about genocide in some hot and dusty AIDS ravaged country. Nothing kills a donation like a crying African child in a dust storm. Palm trees, the blue Pacific and a pretty, sobbing Thai child, that’s what gets the cash flowing.”

Would-be Sudanese immigrants, well aware of the realities of international aid, have taken to wearing sarongs and using scotch tape to pull their eyes back in an effort to make themselves appear more Asian. Many have had photographs taken of themselves in front of poorly made cardboard cut outs of palm trees and fishing boats, but still no international funding seems forthcoming.

Stung by criticism that the Bush Administration is not doing enough to help the Sudanese in particular and drought ridden Africans in general unnamed White House Source Wegman (Pudgy) Waterhouse, speaking on the condition of anonymity said, ” You know, you Liberal bleeding hearts are always going on about the environment and such yet you get mad at us when we try to decrease the growing world population that threatens to devastate the planet. 70,000 less Sudanese means that much more food and water for the rest of the African population. I mean, jeez, don’t you guys care about people?”