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National News

Bush/NAFTA Summit in Cancun turns Tragic

March 30, 2006 Staff

Cancun, Mexico (APE) – Tragically, four Mayan priests were killed today in an ancient purification ceremony gone horribly wrong. They were killed at the summit of the Kukulcan Pyramid in Chichen Itza, Mexico while performing [Read more]

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National News

Iraq Civil War Too Dangerous: Al-Qaeda withdraws from conflict!

March 30, 2006 Staff

(USC News : International) Speaking to war supporters today The President stated that US forces were on the verge of victory. The President called attention to new reports from inside Iraq that claim Al-Qaeda is [Read more]

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National News

Sculpture of Jessica Simpson Passing Gas To Rival Britney Spears Sculpture Giving Birth

March 29, 2006 Staff

(New York–NY) Britney Spears, the most searched female on the web, seems again to be locked in competition with Jessica Simpson, the most gassy female on the web. This Thursday, VaFa, a trendy art gallery [Read more]

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National News

Britney Sculpture of Birth Given Approval by Pat Robertson

March 28, 2006 Staff

CLICK TO ENLARGE Brooklyn, NY (APE) – A controversial sculpture of a nude Britney Spears giving birth on a bearskin rug today was given approval by equally controversial conservative religious leader Pat Robertson. This sculpture [Read more]

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National News

Bush Ratings Sinking: Chief of Staff Andy Card resigns to "spend more time with his son…"

March 28, 2006 Staff

(UCS News : Washington D.C.) President George W. Bush announced the resignation of his Chief of Staff Andrew Card. The long suffering Card has been with the President since he moved into the White House [Read more]

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National News

Lindsay Lohan Announces Her Own Line Of "Hair" Extensions

March 28, 2006 Staff

(Los Angeles–CA) Women across the country will be scratching more than their heads if Lindsay Lohan has her way, according to a Lindsay Lohan blog, LohanFan. The “actress” will be issuing a line of “extensions [Read more]

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National News

Bush Holding off the Record Meetings with Reporters: Stages a Swearing in Ceremony for New Kossacks

March 27, 2006 Staff

Washington, DC (Rotters) – Indulging in a time honored strategy to save a failed presidency, George W. Bush has reportedly been holding “off the record” meetings with selected reporters during this past week. Several reporters [Read more]

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Beltway Boys non-shocker! Fred Barnes and Mort Kondracke come out of the closet, admit to homosex…

March 26, 2006 Staff

WASHINGTON — Confirming long-held, deep-rooted suspicions that many people inside and around the beltway have had for quite some time, FOX News commentators Fred Barnes and Mort Kondracke, of the Beltway Boys, admitted to having [Read more]

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Celebrity News

Tom Cruise to Take Over for Saddam Hussein in War Crimes Trial

March 26, 2006 Staff

Unconfirmed sources report that Tom Cruise will be taking over for Saddam Hussein in an attempt to boost ratings for Saddam’s war crimes trial. The trial which has been plagued by poor ratings and numerous [Read more]

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National News

FDA Announces Black Boxes for All Pharmaceuticals

March 26, 2006 Staff

Washington, DC (APE) – The FDA, as a result of an ongoing feud with its advisory panel, announced this weekend that from this point on, all pharmaceuticals with no exclusions will have black boxes. This [Read more]