No Picture
Ed-E-torial

Merck and Philip Morris To Merge

May 31, 2006 Staff

Tobacco PSA (Wilmington–DE) At a joint press conference today, pharmaceutical giant Merck and tobacco tower Philip Morris announced that they will merge. The union became destined when both companies realized that “our products kill people,” [Read more]

No Picture
National News

Pentagon Postpones Operation "Divine Stroke"

May 30, 2006 Staff

Washington, DC (Rotters) – The planned release of a 700 tonne explosive cross-dressing male prostitute within the Pentagon has been postponed because of legal, moral, and ethical concerns said an anonymous Pentagon agency spokesperson. The [Read more]

No Picture
National News

George W. Bush Mistake: President Releases Terror Alert Schedule for 2006 Election Cycle

May 28, 2006 Staff

(UCS NEWS, Washington D.C.) Opps! another leak reported from inside the Bush White House. This time a memo dated May 15th was mistakenly passed to the Withe House press core for distribution. The memo details [Read more]

No Picture
National News

Bush Receives Tongue in Cheek Award from West Point at Commencement Address

May 28, 2006 Staff

Santa Monica, CA (APE) – President Bush yesterday delivered his traditional commencement address to graduates form the West Point military academy. During the address, he framed the war on terror as the next cold war, [Read more]

No Picture
The President

George W.Bush Admits "Dixie Chicks' Were Right, I was Wrong"

May 28, 2006 Staff

(USC News :South of the Manson Nixon line) Three years after the dreaded comment, the Dixie Chicks are still being ignored by country radio stations. But the subject of their remarks admits they were right [Read more]

No Picture
National News

President Bush to impose lobbying reform on the Republican Party

May 25, 2006 Staff

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a bold move by the White House, President George W. Bush has promised to impose a new rule on Republican Party lobbyists. White House Press Secretary Tony Snow said that this [Read more]

No Picture
National News

Blair Asks for and Receives Political Asylum in America from Bush

May 25, 2006 Staff

Washington, DC (APE) – Scarcely minutes after a nationally televised meeting at the White House between British Prime Minister Tony Blair and President Bush was completed, White House sources stated that Mr. Blair asked for [Read more]

No Picture
National News

The News On Pot Isn't All Black, Congress Fights For A Black and The Dixie Chicks Are Blacklisted…

May 25, 2006 Staff

Toke, Toke, Toke That Cigarette: Researchers at UCLA’s David Geffen School of Medicine have found that even heavy use of marijuana does not increase your risk of getting lung, mouth, neck, throat or esophageal cancer. [Read more]

No Picture
National News

Citing Iraq Victory, George W. Bush Begins Troop Withdrawal.

May 24, 2006 Staff

May 24, 2006 In an unexpected yet welcome announcement from the White House Rose Garden, United States President George W. Bush has made public plans for removing American troops from Iraq. Explaining that the United [Read more]