WASHINGTON, D.C. — The CIA proprietary company which controls all of the voting machines in the United States has accidentally leaked the 2008 presidential election results. A malfunction in one of DieSold’s computers caused the election results to be published ahead of scheduled and four months before the election.
Barack Obama will take first place with 485 Electoral College votes. Second place will go to Libertarian Party candidate Bob Barr with 35 Electoral College votes. John McCain finishes in last place with 18 Electoral College votes.
Many Americans have expressed outrage over having their illusion of democratic power shattered. “So what if elections are fake. At least the results should be kept a surprise until after we get to cast our worthless votes. This error spoils the excitement,” said Republican Party activist Faye Kerr.
Only Unconfirmed Sources will be covering the 2008 presidential election results all throughout the next few weeks of July.