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Elections

Evil Democrats Pray that Gustav will flood New Orleans

August 31, 2008 Staff

(Washington D.C.) Ucs News- UnconfirmedSources report the Obama/Biden campaign is holding daily prayer circles asking for the holy father to visit destruction upon New Orleans…again. With the weather channel switched on low volume the solemn [Read more]

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National News

John McCain Leads Air National Guard in Attack on Hurricane Gustav

August 31, 2008 Staff

Unconfirmed sources report that John McCain himself has lead an aerial assault on hurricane Gustav. The Air National Guard attacked hurricane Gustav last night in a valiant attempt to defend New Orleans from the monster [Read more]

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Elections

Republicans scramble to evacuate Minneapolis ahead of hurricane Gustav

August 30, 2008 Staff

Minneapolis, Minnesota (Ucs News) – Desperate to avoid a repeat of the Katrina catastrophe in 2005, Minneapolis began mandatory evacuations Saturday as another deadly hurricane, Gustav, bore down on the city. Bumper-to-bumper traffic clogged roads [Read more]

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Elections

Paris Hilton more qualified than Sarah Palin for McCain VP Slot

August 30, 2008 Staff

(Hollywood California) Ucs News– Paris Hilton, the besotted heiress, has come out against John McCain’s Vice Presidential selection, Sarah Palin. “You have got to be freaking kidding me!” said Paris Hilton following the conclusion of [Read more]

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Elections

Alaska Governor Sarah Palin Admits to Masturbating

August 30, 2008 Staff

44-year-old former beauty queen, Alaska Governor and newly announced vice-presidential candidate Sarah Palin admitted in an unusually candid interview this afternoon that she has frequently masturbated during her term as governor. “My husband is frequently [Read more]

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Elections

Pro-Life, Pro-Gun, Consecrative Evangelical Christian Female Democrats flock to Sarah Palin

August 30, 2008 Staff

(Cleveland : Ohio) Ucs news– In what can only be called a political master stroke, Arizona Senator John McCain has selected Alaska Governor Sarah Palin as his choice for Vice President. As McCain and Palin [Read more]

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National News

Nation Morns the Tragic Loss of Fox News Reporter Griff Jenkins

August 29, 2008 Staff

(Washington D.C.) Ucs News — President Bush attended the state funeral of Griff Jenkins Today. Jenkins was laid to rest in Arlington Nation Cemetery and given all the honors befitting a fake news reporter, even [Read more]

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National News

Republican Convention to Use Doric Columns in Stage Platform

August 29, 2008 Staff

Minneapolis, MN (Rotters) – After a day of criticizing the Democratic National Convention as being “uppity” for using Greek columns for its stage display at Invesco Stadium, in Denver Colorado, the Republican National Committee admitted [Read more]