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National News

NBC anchors get special permission to wield firearms during Democratic Convention

August 28, 2008 Staff

Denver — NBC has applied for and received permission to arm at least two of its television personalities covering the Democratic convention in Denver, said Lord Bankcard, a spokesman with the U.S. Secret Service. Bankcard [Read more]

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National News

Camel Spider Man Terrorizes New Yorkers

August 28, 2008 Staff

New York, NY (APE) – A gigantic “Camel Spider Man” has reportedly been sighted swinging from buildings in downtown Manhattan over this past week, according to numerous police reports that the NYPD refuses to comment [Read more]

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Elections

Missing Fox News Reporter Griff Jenkins Killed During Daring Denver Recuse Operation

August 27, 2008 Staff

(Denver : Colorado) Ucs News– Fox Reporter Griff Jenkins sustained fatal injuries as he was being rescued by the Blackwater Zulu Company. A daring attempt to prevent Griff Jenkins from falling into the hands of [Read more]

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Elections

Rudy Giuliani : Former New York Drag Queen To Give Keynote Address at Republican National Conven…

August 27, 2008 Staff

(Washington DC) Ucs News– Former New York City Mayor and Drag Queen, Rudy Giuliani will give the keynote address at the Republican National Convention next month. To many this is a strange choice with Giuliani’s [Read more]

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Elections

John McCain "Thank God Liberals don't shoot people"

August 27, 2008 Staff

DENVER, Colorado (Ucs News) –Responding to reports of white supremacist “meth heads” planning to assassinate Barack Obama in Denver, Arizona Senator John McCain stated he was grateful that “All liberals are cowards that hate guns.” [Read more]

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National News

U.S. Military Funding Crystal Ball Research

August 25, 2008 Staff

Researchers from the University of California, Irvine; Carnegie Mellon University; and the University of Maryland have been working in conjunction with the United States military on revealing the prognosticating secrets of Crystal Balls. The $12.8 [Read more]

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National News

Fox News Correspondent Griff Jenkins missing presumed dead after Bloody Denver Riot

August 24, 2008 Staff

(Denver Colorado) Ucs News- Just as Rush Limbaugh promoted and predicted the streets of Denver were set ablaze by violent demonstrations. The opening of the 2008 Democratic convention has brought Barack Obama face to face [Read more]

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National News

Wal-Mart Agrees to Fund Labor Union Votes in US stores

August 24, 2008 Staff

(Bentonville,Arkansas) Ucs Labor News– In a surprise move the Wal-Mat corporation reversed years of aggressive union busting activity by agreeing to fund a nation wide union vote in all of it’s stores. According to Wal-Mart [Read more]

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Business News

Microsoft Hires Jerry Seinfeld to Patch Vista Code Base

August 24, 2008 Staff

(Redmond Washington) Ucs Tech News– The embattled Microsoft Corporation has turned to long time “Windows Fan Boy” and OS master architect Jerry Seinfeld to reverse the fortunes of it’s struggling Vista operation system. Well know [Read more]

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Elections

McCain Counters Obama VP Choice : Master Chief to face Joe Biden

August 24, 2008 Staff

(Washington D.C.) Ucs News– While Barack Obama introduced his choice for Vice President The McCain Campaign swiftly countered attacked. John McCain announced his selection for VP, The Master Chief. McCain’s selection of Master Chief as [Read more]