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National News

Governor Rod Blagojevich can't appoint Burris says Ben Bernanke

December 31, 2008 Staff

WASHINGTON, D.C.–Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich was disappointed to learn in a phone call from Ben Bernanke that he lacks the power to appoint Roland Burris to the U.S. Senate. This is because the Federal Reserve [Read more]

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National News

Facebook Bans Nipples and Areolas

December 29, 2008 Staff

Despite a group of breast-feeding moms protesting outside their offices, Facebook officials remain unrelenting in their ban on visual depictions of nipples and areolas. “Nipples have a certain suggestive sexual quality”, said Facebook CEO Mark [Read more]

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World News

U.S. Air Force Shoots Down Santa's Sleigh

December 24, 2008 Staff

Red-faced U.S. Air Force officials admitted today that they accidentally shot down Santa Claus’ sleigh and severely injured Santa and most of the reindeer as the sleigh hovered over a field near Edwards Air Force [Read more]

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National News

Paris Hilton Appointed Secretary of the Exterior by Obama

December 23, 2008 Staff

(Washington, D.C.) In an effort to improve America’s image abroad, President elect Barack Obama announced today that he will appoint Paris Hilton to the newly formed cabinet position of Secretary of the Exterior. Obama stated [Read more]

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Washington

Britney Spears Appointed to Obama Economic team

December 23, 2008 Staff

NEW YORK (Unconfirmed Sources.com ) — President-elect Barack Obama named key members of his administration’s economic team Monday, including New York Federal Reserve President Timothy Geithner, Lawrence Summers and Briteny Spears as the director of [Read more]

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National News

Blagojevich vows bring more shame and embarrassment to Illinois

December 21, 2008 Staff

CHICAGO, Illinois (Ucs News) — Embattled Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich vowed Friday to make himself and Illinois the laughing stock of the nation while fighting federal corruption charges. Despite calls for his resignation amid allegations [Read more]

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The President

U.S. President George W. Bush to be Tried on 1.2 Million Counts of Murder

December 21, 2008 Staff

Embattled U.S. President George W. Bush may turn out to be the biggest mass murderer in the history of the world as a U.S. District Grand Jury has voted to try him for the unnecessary [Read more]

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National News

Santa Claus Arrested In Giant Ponzi Scheme

December 21, 2008 Staff

Kristopher Kringle, aka Santa Claus, was arrested yesterday by agents of the SEC at his home in the North Pole. The arrest comes just days before Christmas, the day traditionally Mr. Kringle issues his Claus [Read more]