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The President

Obama To Wall Street: Bonuses To Be Paid In Pennies

January 30, 2009 Staff

(Washington, D.C.) A day after President Obama read an article that Wall Street bankers paid themselves 18 billion dollars in bonuses out of the Troubled Asset Relief Program (TARP), funds allocated to open up lending [Read more]

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The President

Obama in Secret $30 Million Deal With Blackberry

January 28, 2009 Staff

As many Americans have already suspected, President Barack Obama allegedly inked a $30 million advertising deal with smartphone maker Blackberry, Inc. Unconfirmed Sources reveal that Obama secretly signed a $30 million advertising promotion with the [Read more]

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The President

Woman Arrested in Plot to Seduce Obama

January 26, 2009 Staff

A 19-year-old right-wing Evangelical Christian college student was arrested this morning after sources revealed she planned to become an intern and seduce U.S. President Barack Obama for the purpose of removing him from office. Shelly [Read more]

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National News

Ben Bernanke vows to make inefficiency clear the market

January 25, 2009 Staff

WASHINGTON, D.C.–Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke said during a press conference that he vows to make inefficiency clear the market, no matter how many dollars that takes. “The Fed is committed to ensuring that inefficiency [Read more]

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National News

George Bush Inks Book Deal With Crayola

January 23, 2009 Staff

George Bush’s new coloring book is causing controversy much like his Presidency. Find out why. (Crawford-Texas) Former President George W. Bush is wasting no time following in the author footsteps of other former Republican presidents [Read more]

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National News

Obama to Eliminate Abstinence Only Education

January 21, 2009 Staff

President Barack Obama announced today that he will eliminate former President Bush’s Abstinence Only Education program and begin a new “Getting Laid is Cool” program. “We will never eliminate the desire for sex”, Obama stated [Read more]

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National News

NASA Discovers Belching and Farting Life on Mars; Elsewhere

January 19, 2009 Staff

NASA scientists revealed yesterday that they have discovered there is life on Mars and many outer Solar System moons and it stinks! Astronomers discovered that nearly 21,000 tons of methane were emitted from the Red [Read more]

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Celebrity News

Fewer Men Fantasizing About Angelina Jolie

January 16, 2009 Staff

A recent survey of 126,394 men revealed that fewer than seven percent admit to having sexual fantasies about mega-talented screen actress Angelina Jolie. Only two years ago the percentage was nearly 15%. Ironically, most men [Read more]

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National News

E-E-T NEWS: Ann Coulter v. Michelle Obama, Inauguration Day Luau, Paris Hilton's Golden Globes

January 16, 2009 Staff

After a needed drying out period, I’m back, cranky and GERD inflected as ever. But I still need a little more rest. So, I just ripped a page off of the E-E-T (Ed-E-torial) teletype. Hope [Read more]