30 Killed in Cartoon Riots

Afghanistan, Libya (APE) – In a bizarre and tragic twist today over 30 were killed in simultaneous riots in Libya and Afghanistan. The rioting began as protests over anti-Muslim Danish cartoons which were published over two weeks ago. This latest outbreak of violence occurred during a nonviolent protest staged to complain of the deaths of people over cartoon images.

Over 30 cartoons were killed and hundreds more injured when crowds turned on them. The deaths today included Garfield, Marmaduke, and the Wizard of Id. The entire family featured in the popular “Family Circus” were also killed as PJ accidentally detonated a car bomb which was apparently in hiding. Many more deaths have been confirmed but the names will not be released pending notification of the artists.


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Cartoons from multiple syndicates in the US and worldwide apparently organized in an effort to bring an end to the deaths of innocent people throughout the world over cartoon depictions of Mohammed. A spokesperson for the cartoons stated that they were all generally sick to death over the violence and destruction which has been done in their names. He insisted that they were all very simple and harmless and are very angry over the fact that their message of humor and good will to mankind has become so distorted. There is talk of boycotting feature films, syndicated strips, and merchandising deals if cooler heads cannot prevail soon.

“This is just despicable!” stated riot survivor Daffy Duck. “It was horrible! I could understand if they wanted to kill me because they thought I might have bird flu or something, but we were just trying to point out their own inhumanity.”

Another survivor, Ziggy waxed philosophical, “The thing that we were trying to get across is that if a cartoon is killed, it’s just not a big deal. A little ink, and little eraser and we’re back, good as new. But when people die, that’s it, there’s no do over. We were hoping to point this out in a clever and humorous way, but I guess they just didn’t get it.”

The governments of both Afghanistan and Libya have pledged to bring to justice those responsible for the deaths. Dick Tracy has stated that he will work closely with the police forces involved pledging support with his two-way wrist TV technology. BD of Doonesbury fame, a recent amputee as a result of National Guard service in Iraq also pledged to work closely with the artists involved and get those who have been killed and wounded back up and working as soon as possible.

White House spokesperson Scott McClellan was reached for comment, and stated, “Unfortunately this is an excellent example of why Americans should leave this to the professionals. They must understand that cartoons such as Beetle Bailey are highly trained to minimize risks. Sergeant Rock has also done an outstanding job throughout his four tours to date in Iraq. Make no mistake, it is really a tragedy that an entire family has been lost because of this, but people should exercise some common sense. You didn’t see Broomhilda, Cathy, or Nancy and Sluggo involved in this. That’s all folks.”