5000 Year Old Couple Declared Gay

ROME (Rotters) – Archaeologists in the northern Italian city of Mantova today declared conclusively that the 5000 year old couple recently discovered buried in an embrace was indeed homosexual.

“It’s not so much of an extraordinary case,” stated Elena Menotti, the archaeologist in charge of the dig, “given the ancient cultural acceptance of homosexuality before the appearance of Christianity.”

Initially it was felt by the team that the two were almost certainly a man and woman, but closer scrutiny of pelvic measurements showed that both skeletons were more consistent with the male sex.

“I must say that when we discovered them, we all had high hopes that this might be a heterosexual couple, but it just didn’t pan out,” Menotti told Rotters.

Researchers will now be tasked with uncovering the cause of death for the couple. Archaeologists at the site assured reporters that damage to the remains were most likely not the result of violence or trauma, as might be suspected in this day and age, but more likely due to the ravages of time.