75% of Mammals Not in Danger of Extinction, According to EPA

The U.S. Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) in conjunction with outgoing U.S. President George W. Bush proudly proclaimed today that thanks to government intervention and regulation, 75% of the mammals in the world are under no threat of extinction.

The EPA cited a report from the World Conservation Congress (WCC), a meeting of 8,000 scientists, conservationists, business leaders and representatives from governmental environmental ministries to offer their upbeat assessment.

EPA administrator Stephan Johnson praised the report exclaiming, “This is very good news! We will hardly see any difference in tomorrow’s animals from the ones we see today”

President George W. Bush was equally excited about the promising report. “My scientists tell me that with the exception of some river dolphins, maybe some gorillas, elephants and such the worlds animals are in fine shape”.

The President’s science advisors firmly declared that only 11,167 species are currently under threat of extinction. They also pointed out that most of the threatened creatures are animals we rarely see such as Fishing Cats, Caspian seals, Gray Faced Sengis, Black Footed Ferrets and Northern Pocket Gophers.

“I want people to know how much my administration has done to protect and preserve wildlife”, the President continued.

Most other countries of the world suggested Bush is an idiot and should be imprisoned for the rest of his life or executed.