Absentee Ballots Give Bush Overwhelming Iraqi Constitutional Victory

Baghdad, Iraq (Claw News Service) – After failing to clinch a deal with Vladimir Putin in Russia over Iran nuclear talks, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice salvaged the trip for the Bush Administration as she hand delivered millions of absentee ballots to polling centers in Iraq. The ballots had been gathered from all over the US and the world in the weeks leading up to the referendum vote today. Preliminary poling data show that this was enough for a landslide victory in Iraq.

Spokesperson Scott McClellan explained, “We were fortunate that we already had a lot of infrastructure in place from this past year’s election. We concentrated on identifying Iraqi expatriates living here in the United States, and primarily the elderly who were missed in previous ballots. It was truly heartwarming to find and identify these people. Many really wanted to help, but were far enough along in the aging process, that they had almost no knowledge of ever even having lived in Iraq. An overwhelming majority had become so acculturated to American life that they were now practicing Christians and had to be assisted with reading and speaking Farsi.”

McClellan continued, “The President is confident of victory, thanks to the selfless sacrifice of these new American citizens. President Bush spent a large part of today touring Senior Centers nationwide and personally thanking folks for all their hard work.”

The ballots delivered by Ms Rice were off-loaded from Air Force One and distributed under armed guard to various precincts throughout Baghdad for the most expedient and efficient processing. Announcements about the official outcome were expected by morning, but are largely viewed as a formality by the Bush Administration at this point.

Mr. McClellan concluded, “Tomorrow will certainly be a great and historic day for both of our countries. We are pleased that the Iraqi people have chosen an American style of Democracy.”