Unconfirmed Sources has obtained the results of tonight’s Academy Awards. We paid off the janitor and he let us into the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences’ offices last night where we stole the amazing results. George W. Bush has indeed won the Best Actor in a Farce Oscar for his work in the media production titled “The Bush Administration.” It is going to be a big night in Hollywood and Washington D.C. as many Washingtonians have captured Oscars this year.
Hollywood is in shock today as UnconfirmedSources.com has shamelessly leaked the results of tonight’s Academy Awards. Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences President Frank R. Pierson is outraged by the leak. “I can’t believe those bastards did it! We are going to sue the bejesus out of those cretins when this is all over. Those guys are going to do hard time for messing with something as important as The Oscars.”
“Wow!” said TV personality Mo Rocca. “I didn’t think Bush had a chance against Colin Powell, but his work on Social Security must have put him over the top. I totally had my money on Powell; his work at the United Nations made him a shoe-in. I shouldn’t really be surprised though, this wouldn’t be the first time someone mis-underestimated the President.”
The rest of the Ocars results are no less amazing as Actors staring in political farces nearly swept the stage. Here are some selected results:
Best Director of a Farce: Karl Rove, for his work on the 2004 Elections
Best Supporting Actress: Condoleezza Rice, for her work during the run up to the Iraq War.
Best Supporting Actor in a Tragedy: Donald Rumsfeld, for his work on the Iraq War.
Best Actor in a Comedy: Arnold Schwarzenegger, for his role as the Govenator.
Unconfirmed Sources has made the rest of the results public on their website.