BOSTON — Authorities have arrested two men in connection with electronic light boards depicting a middle-finger-waving moon man that triggered repeated bomb scares around Boston on Wednesday and prompted the closure of bridges and a stretch of the Charles River.
Meanwhile, police and prosecutors vented their anger at Turner Broadcasting Inc., the parent company of CNN, which said the battery-operated light boards were aimed at promoting the late-night Adult Swim cartoon “Aqua Teen Hunger Force.”
A White House source who requests anonominity, says that presidential advisor, Karl Rove, was ecstatic when he heard how well everything went off according to plan.
“He immediately contacted Michael Chertoff, head of Homeland Security and asked him to raise the threat level to ‘ABSOLUTE MAXIMUM DANGER’.”
” I’d lose my job if Rove and the rest of the White House guys knew I told you this, but the whole thing was arranged with Ted Turner to distract the public’s attention away from the Iraq war disaster. Every time things get unpleasant for the president, they manage to create a diversionary terrorist scare. This is the tenth in the past year. It seems to work. as after the alerts, the approval rating of the president goes up a bit for a while.”
” I know I really shouldn’t be telling you this, but they hope to get a big upswing in the presidential polls next month, when they plan to fake a capture of world’s largest cruise ship, ‘Freedom of the Seas’ and sail it to Iran. A ‘news flash’ will say that Iranian President, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is planning to behead all 3,200 passengers and crew, after which he will drop an atomic bomb on Tel Aviv.”
” If that doesn’t make headlines, nothing will!” said our anonymous informant, as he covered his head with a newspaper and sneaked off into the night.