Afghanistan Declares War On Iraq: George W. Bush Orders United States To Fight Itself.

The War on Terror suffered another blow yesterday…several blows in fact. United States President George W. Bush had invited Afghani President Hamid Karzai and Pakistani President Gen. Pervez Musharraf to a private ‘fence mending’ dinner at the White House, but the peacemaking meal instead ended in pieces. By the dinner’s third course, President Gen. Musharraf had leapt over the dinner table and physically attacked President Karzai; by desert President Karzai had declared war on Pakistan. President Gen. Musharraf, not to be outdone, then declared war right back on Afghanistan. Now, as Allies of both men and with American troops in both countries, George Bush finds himself in the uncomfortable position of having to order US forces to fight themselves.

With the Congressional midterm elections just weeks away, it is uncertain how the voting public will react to televised video images of American military jets bombing American tanks and troops, but given the United State’s love of shock and awe, chances are that this could actually help the Republican Party. No matter what Democrats say about the matter, they can now be legitimately accused of “Not Supporting The Troops”.

Newly named Unnamed White House Source JA Nudder, speaking on the condition of anonymity said, “Man, what a mess. It (the dinner) started out okay, but by the end of the salad course things started to go downhill fast. Musharraf was drinking coffee and you could just see the caffeine buzz starting. The main course came and Karzai was droning on and on about poppies or something when Musharraf took his spoon and started catapulting peas at him from under the table. At first Karzai didn’t notice; the peas were landing on that little hat he always wears so he didn’t feel them hit. Then he happened to catch sight of himself in the mirror…god, that guy is such a narcissist…and when he saw a pea perched on top of his hat he grabbed a handful of mashed potatoes and flung em at Musharraf. Hard. The next thing you know it was an all out food fight; Bush was covered with cream sauce and trying to physically keep the those two lunatics apart. Laura was crying; she got her dress splashed with hollandaise sauce and lost a shoe.By ten o’clock they were at war.”

While the outcome of any conflict that Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld commands is far from certain, as his record to date is spotty at best, but Republicans can take comfort in the fact that no matter what mistakes he makes, at least America is sure to win this one.