Unconfirmed sources are reporting that a national pitchfork shortage has dampened the display of outrage over excessive bonuses awarded to AIG employees. All across the Northeast at home & garden stores and hardware stores pitchforks have been selling out as angry mobs prepare to march on the New York headquarters of AIG.
Our sources indicated that the plans to storm the headquarters of AIG with a massive pitchfork and torch wielding mob has been delayed by the shortages. New York area organizers are making every effort to amass enough of the tools to arm an unruly mob of irate citizens, but the odds are not looking in their favor at this time. Even diversions of pitch forks from as far as Nevada are not meeting the demand in the New York area.
“I’ve never seen anything like it.” Says Mitch Branstrum of Branstrum Hardware in Kent City New Jersey. “We have re-ordered pitchforks six times in the last week alone. People have gone crazy for them. My suppliers are telling me that the demand is so high it may be weeks before we can get more. I gotta tell you the real gardeners are starting to get mad about the whole thing.”
One such gardener, Winifred Jones of Oxbow Alabama lamented about the trouble of getting a new pitchfork. “I haven’t been able to turn my compost heap for a week now, as my old pitchfork broke and I can’t get a new one. I just don’t understand it.”
Things are not all bad for march organizers as they say they have had no trouble getting enough torches, empty bottles, rags and gasoline. Pitchforks or not they are still planning on expressing their outrage.