Unconfirmed sources report that the Air Force has been called in to help serve indictments to Republican lawmakers and lobbyists in and around the capitol. Air Force bombers are expected to begin dropping the indictments tomorrow and are expected to have the job completed in several days. Department of Justice officials claim this was the only way to deliver the thousands of indictments in a timely manner.
“This was a job way too big for the regular civilian authorities so the President has authorized the Air Force to aid in this important mission.” Says White House spokesman Ben Lion. “The bombers will be staged out of bases in Virginia and New Jersey will make as many sorties as necessary to complete the mission.”
“I know we can do this job.” Says Air Force General Buck Fuller. “We have specially modified planes used to drop millions of leaflets over combat zones and these assets are perfect for the delivery of this many indictments. The Department of Justice has supplied us with the indictments and we will begin blanketing the capital with them shortly. This is a massive undertaking, but we are up to the challenge. The President has called upon us in the Nation’s hour of need and we will come through.”
Justice Department officials confirm that this operation will be the largest law enforcement action in American history.
“We all knew cleaning out the corrupt Republican political machine was going to be a big job, but not even I knew it would be this big.” Says Texas prosecutor Ronnie Earle, who has indicted House Leader Tom Delay. “I knew there was bunch of crooks up there, but thousands of them? I’m just glad the President has called in the Air Force to help.”
Unnamed US Army officers have indicated that the President has also issued orders for the army to begin preparations for actions inside the capitol. Military police and armored units have been activated to help local law enforcement round up the thousands of people who will be served indictments in the coming days.