Al Qaeda Planning Cell Discovered Inside FEMA

Unconfirmed sources has received secret documents proving that an Al Qaeda planning cell has been active inside FEMA for over four years. The information comes to US in the form of CIA and FBI memos that detail the search and ultimately the failure to discover the identity of the cell members before it disbanded and it’s members disappeared. The papers also outline the damage the cell caused and what steps were being taken to repair the it. These documents explain much of the chaos inside FEMA today and shed light on FEMA’s poor response to hurricane Katrina.

“This small group of mystery men did an amazing amount of damage.” admits current director of FEMA Michael Brown. “They caused us to really take our eyes off the ball. They made us think that anti-terrorism spending had the greatest priority and that left us unable to do our primary mission of handling natural disasters. We were so busy spending money and planning for imaginary threats we didn’t do our real job.”

Careful examination of the documents shows how the cell reprioritized FEMA’s spending and planning functions and left America unable to respond to natural crises.

The cell took control of funding streams and re-directed moneys toward beefing up anti-terror efforts in parts of the country that were not real targets, thus wasting billions. For example: giving North Dakota as much money per capita as New York State meant that millions of dollars were wasted keeping cows safe instead of people.

Money was also taken away from disaster preparedness programs and miss-spent to pay airport security people to take nail clippers and knitting needles away from old ladies. This point also illustrates how the cell even managed to change security rules to cause long delays and massive expenses at the new Transportation Security Authority, a Department not even under FEMA’s direct control.

“These documents explain alot.” says administration apologist Bob Freedman. “This planning cell wrecked havoc inside FEMA and nobody really knew about it until just weeks ago. This cell was placed in a position that allowed it cripple FEMA’s response to any number of natural disasters that until recently FEMA could have handled. These documents will take the administration off the hook for it’s poor performance over the last several days. It was the terrorist network Al Qaeda that is responsible for the governments poor response to hurricane Katrina, not incompetence.”