(Washington, D.C.) A tape aired today by Arab news network, Al-Jazeera, in which Bin-Laden right hand man, Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, claims that the devastation in Louisiana was “our act of meteorological terror unleashed upon the infidels” is causing concern in Washington.
Though as of this writing the CIA and NSA have not verified the tape as authentic, CIA Chief Porter Goss issued this statement. “We are concerned about this claim. However, there exists no credible evidence to link Al Qaeda and hurricane Katrina. But as a precaution, 500 meteorologists in the New Orleans area have been detained for questioning under Section 3,987, Subsection 5,678, Sub-subsection 3, Weathermen As Enemy Combatants, of the Patriot Act.”
The Al-Jazeera tape shows al-Zarqawi sitting on the ground dressed in a yellow, “Gordons of Gloucester-type” rain coat. Beside him is a large “golf-type” umbrella and behind him is a “weather graphic” of a tornado. Al-Zarqawi claimed that “while we have unleashed the hurricane terror of Louisiana, we are not responsible for the destruction of Mississippi. That was Providence, and it shows Providence is on our side. Praise rain. Praise wind.”
Porter Goss also addressed this point in his statement. “It is this selective weather terror that causes us to doubt the link. However, the “weather graphic” may have a link to US based Al Qaeda meteorologists, which is the reason for their detainment.”
This afternoon, the White House issued a statement by President Bush. “The American People can rest assured that we are doing our utmost to get to the bottom of this. But while we are confident that we will prevail should it be proven that this natural disaster was terror driven, let’s face it–we’re going to have to write off Intelligent Design.”
Calls to Press Secretary Scott McClellan’s office asking if this was simply a White House ploy to divert attention from an administration that was woefully lagging in dispatching the National Guard to the area because the National Guard is in tatters due to Iraq were met with a return call that Press Secretary McClellan will be unable to answer any questions due to an emergency ulcer operation.
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