ALABAMA LAW> NO SEX TOYS ALLOWED!

Alabama is where you can buy a gun anywhere on the street, but try to buy a vibrator, and you get arrested! Alabama’s law prohibiting sex toys is going before the Supreme Court, and it’ll sure make the headlines! Can we anticipate that Alabama’s license plate will bear the slogan; ‘ALABAMA, THE VIBRATOR-FREE STATE’?

Obviously, someone in need of a sex toy can cross over into Georgia, Florida or Tennessee and get one, but Alabama’s legislature, also known as the ‘evangenitals’, and always on the lookout to protect its citizens from immoral activity, has legally banned the sale of sex toys, or as they carefully call them… ‘ marital aids’.

Adult toy retailers have fought the law without success. Sherri Williams, an adult store owner, has brought the issue before the District court three times. She won twice, only to be struck down by the 11th Circuit of Appeals.
The Supreme Court has given some indication that it will hear the case during its next session.

But seriously folks, I am hoping that y’all have stopped snickering at the Victorian attitudes of the fine Alabama lawmakers because I want to talk for a minute about sexual attitudes in the Land O’ Cotton.

There is, and always has been, a strong strain of paternalism among lawmakers down there. And that paternalistic attitude makes them believe that they are the Keepers of the Moral Keys. Them folks down there need protectin’ from sexual pleasures derived from plastic thingies made in China.

The same lawmakers also have protected Alabamians from the glittering vice dens called casinos, the dangerous Mega-Ball lotteries and betting parlors. All for their own good.

They do, however, let the good ol’ boys have SOME fun. They have fireworks stores at every interstate exit. Alabama rednecks can buy all manner of guns easily and openly as long as they are of legal age. And they can shoot off the aforementioned fireworks and guns pretty much wherever and whenever they want.

In other words they are free to blow themselves up at will, as long as they don’t blow up a big plastic dolly!