Alabama Tones Down Immigration Law


Though Alabama has passed the toughest immigration law in the country, the law had to be substantially rewritten in order to pass the legislature.

The original version of the bill called for killing all illegal aliens on site, burning down their homes and putting any survivors on a boat — then blowing up the boat.

“We are tough on immigrants here in Alabama”, said Alabama Governor Robert Bentley. “We don’t want no god-danged Mexicans or funny talking people coming over here using our schools, drinking our water and pissing on our lawns!”

Bentley clarified that the new, toned-down immigration laws would apply not only to Mexicans but to all foreigners regardless of race, creed, sexual orientation or country of origin.

“For example”, Bentley continued, “If we see someone talking with a French accent and they smell bad then we know they are from France and we’ll give them a one way ticket home!”

The toned-down, though still very strict, immigration laws allow police officers to question and detain anyone who speaks with a foreign accent and prevent any child from a foreign country from attending school.

Mary Bauer, legal director for the Southern Poverty Law Center claims the law is clearly Unconstitutional mean-spirited and racist. Bentley disputes those claims.

“I got no problem with people being dark skinned or talking with funny accents”, Bentley stated. As long as you got a social security number and you can prove you belong here and you can spend money then by all means, sit yourself down and have some pie. But if you’re on of them illegals then you should be ready to face the music — and the music ain’t purty! And if you talk funny or walk funny we gonna ask you to prove you belong here!”

Many members of the audience responded with “yee haw!”