Alaska Governor Sarah Palin Abandons Family to Become President

Overachieving Alaska Governor Sarah Palin says she would much rather run for Vice President than take care of her husband and five children. In addition, she claims she actually wishes to be President.

“F*ck ’em. Except for Trig, my kids are practically old enough to take care of themselves”, Palin stated during a campaign rally. “I might give Trig to someone to look after for the rest of his life anyway. If I waited for them to grow up I might be waiting 20 years!”

Palin’s children range in age from 18 years to 4 months. The youngest, Trig, has Down’s syndrome. Her 17 year old daughter is pregnant.

Palin stated that she does not want to become an “ugly old hag” before she can even think about becoming President. “When McCain is elected I will be just one bullet away from becoming president myself!”, she exuberantly stated.

Palin stated that she still firmly believes in traditional Republican family values but is willing to put her beliefs aside for the opportunity to become the most powerful woman in the world. She claimed that resentment toward McCain, his age and his overall poor health would make her likely to become President within one year after the election.

“When I am elected I promise my family they will have excellent health care!” she stated to cheers from the audience.

Palin’s husband, BP Oil field worker Todd Palin, fully supports his wife’s desire to become President. “She’ll let me dig up that worthless Alaska Wilderness for drilling and make our family even richer”, he believed.