Alberto Gonzales Travels Back In Time To Fight Terror

May 22, 2006

“There are some statutes on the book(s) which, if you read the language carefully, would seem to indicate that that is a possibility,” said United States Attorney General Alberto Gonzales on the ABC talking head program “This Week.”, referring to the Justice Department’s exciting new plan to prosecute and imprison American reporters for publishing classified information being supplied to them by the ever growing legions of Administration whistle-blowers attempting to stop the Bush White House from destroying the fabric our society.

Of course, Mr. Gonzales had to travel back in time some 89 years to find the law, which was written during World War I. The 1917 Espionage Act was designed to stop journalists from disseminating vital secrets to the Evil Hun, or Germans to you and me, so that the Red Baron wouldn’t be able to shoot down our Sopwith Camels. But war is war and the Bush Administration is indeed at war, mostly with America at this point, and if they don’t want to go down in flames Gonzales knows they’d better do something pretty quick.

Newly named Unnamed White House Source Jellico A. (Jelly Ash) Nudder, speaking on the condition of anonymity said, “At first I was worried that I’d be going down on a espionage beef, but Dick (Vice President Dick (Dick) Cheney) assured me that the law applies only to leaks that aren’t approved by the White House, and there are a ton of them, let me tell you. Of course, our leaks pose no threat to national security, since they’re usually complete lies like WMD’s, Valerie Plame, John Kerry and Max Cleland being yellow dog traitors