Allawi Accuses Hekawi of Aiding Zarqawi, Moussaoui

Iraqi elections planned for next month may have to be postponed owing to accusations by the interim Prime Minister that the Hekawi have had secret dealings with rebel leader Abu Musab al-Zarqawi. The small tribe of Native Americans, who settled in western Iraq during the Civil War after getting lost on a hunting party, purportedly supported Zarqawi’s operations through the sale of beads, blankets, and jewelry to tourists. The tribe took its name from the exclamation of their leader, Sitting Duck, on reaching the Tigris river in 1868: “where the heck a’ we?”

Allawi also insisted he had incontrovertable proof of a meeting between Roaring Chicken and accused 20th hijacker, Zacarias Moussaoui, in Prague in early 2001.

Hekawi spokesman, Crazy Cat, immediately denied the allegations, saying that the tribe had only contacted Zarqawi to negotiate the release of a US contractor kidnapped while working at Fort Courage the cavalry base west of Baghdad. He said that US intelligence had been financing the tribe’s souvenir trade in a proposed “beads for hostages” deal.

While the base commander, Captain Parmenter, said he had no intelligence concerning the supposed negotiations, two of his enlisted men, Sgt. O’Rourke and Cpl. Agarn, may have had some contact over the past month with the Hekawi concerning the kidnapping of Wrangler Jane, the hard-riding, fast-shooting cowgirl who was out to marry Parmenter.

Interim Prime Minister Allawi said that, until the matter is cleared up, the Hekawi will be considered a terrorist organization and their Chief Wild Eagle will not be allowed to participate in the interim government or in the upcoming elections. As there is little chance of disproving the allegations until the Jordanian born terrorist is captured, the now outlawed tribe can only ask: “where the heck is Zarqawi?”