February 16, 2006
Despite the fact that just a few weeks ago United States President George W. Bush was citing it’s support of Samuel Alito for the Supreme Court, members of the American Bar Association (ABA) are becoming openly worried about the actual reason that Vice President Dick (Dick) Cheney shotgunned Austin Lawyer Harry Whittington. What Mr. Cheney has characterized as a simple, if tragic hunting mishap may instead turn out to be a revenge shooting. The reason? The ABA, just days before the shooting, issued an opinion that the White House’s Warrentless Domestic Spying program is indeed unconstitutional, a charge the Administration furiously disputes.
It is speculated that on the day of the shooting Mr. Cheney was in a foul frame of mind, quietly stewing over the ABA report. What is known is that after consuming an unknown amount of beer, Mr. Cheney grabbed his shotgun and accompanied Mr. Whittington out into the fields of GOP Lobbyist Kathleen Armstrong’s Texas ranch. Mr. Cheney, whose office in deeply implicated in the revenge outing of former CIA agent Valerie Plame, is sometimes considered to engage in extreme forms of retribution against those he feels has wronged him. One Unnamed White House Source (Wegman ((Pudgy)) Waterhouse) has sworn that Mr. Cheney once had him stripped naked and his genitals shaved after he mistakenly ordered anchovies on the Vice President’s pizza.
At any rate, before the day was out, Mr. Whittington lay in intensive care with a gunshot wound to the face, neck and chest. No authorities were notified and the Vice President ordered his own private medical team to tend to the wounded man, who was later taken by ambulance to the ER. Despite these measures, Mr. Whittington survived.
Members of the ABA are suggesting that the press is asking the wrong questions. The real issue, they suggest, is not how the Vice President managed to shotgun Mr. Whittington, but why.
While the idea that a sitting Vice President would shoot a man who disagreed with him is unsettling at best, it is in this reporters mind more chilling that he couldn’t do the job right. It seems to be just another example of the Administration’s continuing failures, joining the search for WMD’s and gutting Social Security as just one more thing they couldn’t get done right.