American Pedophilic Association accused of practicing psychiatry

San Mateo County, California — With the recent news about former top pedophile specialist, Dr. William Ayres, being involved in drugging children with toxic drugs such as haldol, seroquel, zoloft, and prozac, American Pedophilic Association members are calling for reform.

Dr. William Ayres, who has received numerous awards for molesting children, was charged with practicing psychiatry. He has denied allegations of doing anything other than fondling children.

“I never prescribed any of those toxic and deadly drugs. I was only involved with the American Pedophilic Association. I never had anything to do with that American Psychiatric Association,” said Dr. William Ayres.

American Pedophilic Association president, Dr. Feelin Childs, has promised to implement reforms to ensure that his organization isn’t infilitrated by psychiatrists.

“If our organization has been infilitrated by psychiatrists and members of the American Psychiatric Association, we will take steps to find those people and get them out of this profession,” Dr. Feelin Childs said.

Ayres’ attorney, Ike N. Feelyu, said that his client has never been involved in any inappropriate activity, such as drugging children.

“My client has a long track record of fondling children in the most professional manner possible, and nothing more,” said Ike N. Feelyu. “The allegations that my client once ran the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry are unfounded. He ran the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Molestation. He has received many awards for his professionalism in molesting children.”

Police are investigating allegations that Dr. William Ayres has prescribed psychiatric medication. If found guilty of practicing psychiatry, Dr. William Ayres would most likely spend the rest of his life in prison. However, prosecutors are willing to arrange for a plea bargain, giving Dr. Ayres time off for having been a model molestor going back to 1969.

“While the charges of practicing psychiatry are serious, Dr. Ayres has been a model child molestor for quite some time, and that is certainly respectable,” said District Attorney Emma Faye Kerr.